Jeff Billimek’s Journal

I didn’t get to bed until around 5am, so I called in sick to work today. I have to work on some more homework anyway. Around noon I got an email from Michele:

“Jeff, I truely enjoy being with you. Last night was very important to me. I know that you are confused, and I totally understand. Maybe I come on way too strong, and if it bothers you really badly, maybe I can try to stop. But I like you so much. At least maybe you haven’t ruled out being in a relationship with me, but you just don’t know what that means. I don’t really get it either. Maybe there is someone out there who can explain it to us!:) If all I can have from you is today, then I can be satisfied because that’s all you had to give me. I know that this email is jumping all around, but I’m just writing it as I come so ask me about anything that confuses or offends you. I had that meeting with David this morning and it went a lot better than I expected. He said that he was happy for me and glad that I had finally found some peace. He also said that you were a fool if you didn’t want to be with me, but I tried to take that with a grain of salt. I don’t think that you are foolish, I think that you are very sweet for being cautious with my heart. I hope that I haven’t scared you off or anything. See, last night while I was driving home I thought about how we didn’t know what a serious relationship meant. Well, I couldn’t think of what it might really include, but I did think of some things that it COULD MAYBE in some people’s definitions include that I am not ready for. Moving in together, I think that most people would consider that serious, but I’m not ready to be that serious. Planning a life together, I think couples who do that are serious about each other, but I’m not ready for that. Maybe we just need to date and be together for a while before we really truely know what we want. For all I know you could have a really anoying habit like hacking ladies up with a chainsaw on the weekends!:):) I don’t think so, but you never know,
right? Or maybe you will discover that dating a 19 year old with a child and a screwed up life is too much to take. Whatever you decide, I just want to be with you right now. I like you and I like the way I feel around you. I hope you have had a great day at work, and I can’t wait to hear from you tonight. Love, Michele”

Her email is certainly a little different in tone from what she was saying last night. I guess she’s had time to think everything over too. I called her tonight and we talked about “us”. She suggested that we stop trying to analyze what we are and just ‘have fun’ for a while. We’ve made plans for this weekend to go on a picnic at one of the Civil War battlefields. It’ll be my turn to come up with something for the weekend after that.

I hope I’m not making a mistake.